Cuteness all around (and I don't know why I didn't take a picture).

My baby is SO cute. 

Like, watch out world, because you have never experienced cuteness like her. 

Today was the first time I bottle-fed and she did great! She got all 40 mls. and was happy and bright-eyed. After I burped her and just held her, she smiled. A LOT. 

I couldn't help but just stare at her and I wish I would've taken a picture before I left the hospital...she is the cutest baby I have ever seen! I LOVE her.

Even though I'm terrified for her to come home and to be her mom full-time without help from a bunch of different nurses and doctors, I can't wait! I can't wait to just hold her and love her and watch her grow.

I have never seen her without some kind of tube going into her mouth or nose.

I can't wait to see Chloe's "real" face. 

Oh, I love her.

Three weeks left!!! :)

Breast vs. Bottle

I know a lot of people believe that if you can breastfeed, you should. 

I know a lot of people believe that if you can breastfeed, you have no choice but to do it.

I agree with the first group.

Lately it's been very difficult to drive up to the hospital twice a day, only to have Chloe get ten, maybe fifteen mls. per feeding when she should be getting forty-five. As her mother sometimes I feel discouraged, like I should be doing something, anything, more. 

Two nights ago I had a complete emotional breakdown.

I was frustrated about the whole breastfeeding situation. I was having thoughts of hurting my baby and that terrified me. How could I think of harming the girl I worked so hard to bring into this world?

Mike and I had a long conversation and have decided that while she is still in the hospital, we are going to begin bottle feeding. This way, Mike can go up before or after work and feed her and help me out. Not only is gas getting WAY too expensive to be able to drive up separately multiple times a day, but spreading out the responsibility is definitely helping my sanity. 

The doctor agreed that making this change would help me better care for my baby because I would be able to better care for myself. Not only that, but the more she practices eating (whether by breast or bottle), the sooner she'll be able to come home. Once she does get home, I'm going to reintroduce her to breastfeeding. The doctor is hopeful she'll regain interest.

I'm grateful that I can breastfeed. I've been pumping since she was born and I do it religiously. I'm not stopping because I'm frustrated, I'm just switching things up a bit. Plus, I feel good that Chloe is still getting my milk and not formula.

For those of you who believe I'm being selfish, I don't care.

I feel I'm being selfless, because I'm doing what's best for my baby. As the lactation consultants at the hospital have told me, a miserable mom makes a miserable baby. 

And I definitely want Chloe to be as happy as possible.

Not good news, but not terrible news either.

I got a phone call from the NICU yesterday and it was pretty routine at first. Chloe is doing pretty well, she's feisty, etc. etc.

Then the nurse said that Chloe has chronic lung disease and edema around her eyes. Obviously I had no idea what either one meant, and I started to panic before she could explain it. 

Edema is swelling caused by excess fluid in the tissues. I've noticed Chloe's eyelids have been a bit puffy over the past two days, but I didn't think anything of it. What they're doing to help with that is decreasing her fluids to see if it goes away.

Mom and I went to see her today and her eyelids are a lot less puffy, so that is definitely a step in the right direction! Chloe has such expressive little eyes that I would hate for them to be seen all the way. Oh I love her so freaking much! 

The chronic lung disease is fairly common among preemies and infants in general. Hence Chloe has been on some form of oxygen since she was two days old. The lung problem basically means that she has trouble breathing but she should grow out of it within the next few months. It's very likely that she will be sent home with oxygen, which could last anywhere from a week to six months. Hopefully not too long! 

Another thing: Chloe has a high probability of developing asthma. This doesn't seem like a huge deal to me because it's such a manageable thing--especially considering all the other problems she could have had. Mike, however, has asthma and part of him feels guilty because asthma can be genetic. His asthma is borderline, and we are both hoping that IF Chloe gets it, hers will be borderline as well.

*PHEW* 

This has been a crazy journey so far with our precious girl and we are just so grateful for the blessings we've received during this whole thing. Chloe is gaining weight, super alert and feisty. Nothin's gonna stop her now! :)

A Baby Shower

My family threw me a baby shower for Chloe this past Saturday and it was so much fun!

We had a display on the gift table that included a picture of Chloe on the day she was born, her first set of casts, a shadow box with plaster casts of her hands, her footprints and a preemie-sized diaper, and a collage of her at 5 weeks old.

 There was a dessert buffet and it was fantastic! Mini cupcakes, cookies, candies, etc. YUM.

 

We had a great turnout of people and I am so grateful for everyone who was able to come! The gifts were wonderful/adorable/useful and I am so excited for Chloe to wear/use them all! :)

Katie's little one, Hailee Lynn. Chloe & Hailee will be best friends--they have no choice. :)

 Megan & Kaylee

 Brooklyn & Savannah

 Grandma. A.k.a.: Life of Party.

Thank you so much, everyone! It was great to see you all and see how much you love my little girl. And thanks to everyone who helped put the shower together...it was amazing! :)

*36 Weeks Today*

Chloe has been doing better with breastfeeding. I've requested that she's not fed by a bottle at all--I don't want her to refuse to breastfeed because of it. 

It's so fun to see her progress. I'm so proud of her! She's now up to 41 ml. per feeding and she's doing okay with the calories they're putting in her milk (so far). 

She got her casts changed today and the nurse said she's not loving it. I've got a slight cold and so I didn't go see Chloe today, but Mike went up to see her and comfort her. Apparently she was really sad until he got there and then she calmed down a bit. Chick loves her daddy. :)

She weighs FIVE POUNDS and we are excited she's growing so well! She's at the gestational age of 36 weeks and her development is right on track. We should have her home in about four weeks and we are SO excited! :)

Impatient!

I can't wait for SO many things.

I can't wait for my baby to get rid of the feeding tube and start breastfeeding exclusively. 

I can't wait to get her car seat installed. I want to get a cute "Baby on Board" sign to stick in the window. 

I can't wait for her to breathe completely on her own. She hates her nasal canulla--she's always trying to rip it out. 

I can't wait for her casts to be over and done with. 

I want her home. 

That's a bit obvious, right?

Well, there are also some things I want for me. 

I can't wait for the doctor to clear me for exercise. 

I have been excited to get in shape for a few months now. I want Chloe to have a hott mama and I want Mike to have a hott baby mama--I mean wife. :)

I have a plan.

First I am going to take it easy. I'll Just Dance for 2 weeks. 

I will do Pilates for awhile.

And when I feel like I'm getting back to where I was before, I'm going to pull out my favorite workout program:

P90X.

I LOVE it. Tony is my favorite because he's super ripped and kinda crazy. Both are great motivators. 

With all of this exercise, I am going to snack less and gag on veggies more. 

I can't wait. 

It'll be hard, but worth it--for me and for Chloe. 

I love her.

First off, let me just say that Chloe reached her gestational age of 35 weeks on Thursday. 

If my BP hadn't gotten out of control, I would probably still be in the hospital right now. Dr. Nance wanted to deliver her at 35 weeks. Crazy that she's now four weeks old!

Chick has been keeping her body temperature regulated all by herself, so she was moved into a crib. She'll still be in the NICU for another month, but she has a lot more room to stretch her little limbs.

LOOK.AT.THAT.FACE.

 I am so in love! :)

 The nurse picked out her onesie, which is awesome because I bought the exact same one for when she's about six months old. Great minds think alike!

 They are bringing up her feedings to either Mike or me feeding her four times a day instead of two. They will still cover her other feedings with the feeding tube, but it's definitely progress! I am actually pretty relieved, because I have been getting really worn out lately and have been getting abdominal pain at least twice a day. Sometimes my scar starts bleeding a little, so I know I'm overdoing it. This way Mike can go and bottle feed her twice a day and I can go up and breastfeed twice like I have been for awhile. It'll be nice to split her care. 

Chloe is doing SO well! I know I write that in every post...because I am SO proud of how much she is progressing! With these kinds of milestones, she might even come home a week or so earlier. 

Whaddaya say, Chloe?