I know a lot of people believe that if you can breastfeed, you should.
I know a lot of people believe that if you can breastfeed, you have no choice but to do it.
I agree with the first group.
Lately it's been very difficult to drive up to the hospital twice a day, only to have Chloe get ten, maybe fifteen mls. per feeding when she should be getting forty-five. As her mother sometimes I feel discouraged, like I should be doing something, anything, more.
Two nights ago I had a complete emotional breakdown.
I was frustrated about the whole breastfeeding situation. I was having thoughts of hurting my baby and that terrified me. How could I think of harming the girl I worked so hard to bring into this world?
Mike and I had a long conversation and have decided that while she is still in the hospital, we are going to begin bottle feeding. This way, Mike can go up before or after work and feed her and help me out. Not only is gas getting WAY too expensive to be able to drive up separately multiple times a day, but spreading out the responsibility is definitely helping my sanity.
The doctor agreed that making this change would help me better care for my baby because I would be able to better care for myself. Not only that, but the more she practices eating (whether by breast or bottle), the sooner she'll be able to come home. Once she does get home, I'm going to reintroduce her to breastfeeding. The doctor is hopeful she'll regain interest.
I'm grateful that I can breastfeed. I've been pumping since she was born and I do it religiously. I'm not stopping because I'm frustrated, I'm just switching things up a bit. Plus, I feel good that Chloe is still getting my milk and not formula.
For those of you who believe I'm being selfish, I don't care.
I feel I'm being selfless, because I'm doing what's best for my baby. As the lactation consultants at the hospital have told me, a miserable mom makes a miserable baby.
And I definitely want Chloe to be as happy as possible.
I had feelings like I was selfish if my baby got the bottle, but it is true. Some times it's for sanity. Also, it's good for dads to bond. I think you're doing great.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you love your baby and do your best, in the long run it doesn't matter how she's getting fed. And no one should judge you for deciding what's best for your family situation.
ReplyDeleteI still feel a little guilty every time someone asks how long I breastfed Maddox. I couldn't. I tried for weeks and saw multiple lactation specialists and he was never getting enough to eat. I pumped for the first couple of months but then it got to the point where I had zero time to do anything but feed him (with a bottle of my milk) and pump for him. I spent the nights up feeding him and then pumping, too. We decided that my sanity wasn't worth it. I couldn't be the best mom for him when I was constantly beating myself up for every little thing just because I couldn't breastfeed. I thought I was the worst Mom in the world. Turns out that it just wasn't what was best for us. When I do have another child I will try to breastfeed but if it doesn't work out I'll move on.
ReplyDeleteDon't let people bring you down. They don't know your situation or Chloe's. I am so proud of you and all your doing for your daughter. NEVER give up hope. You are being the best mom for her.