Pumping is not easy.
Especially when you don't have a baby home to motivate you.
Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with Chloe. She is ridiculously adorable, from her itty bitty casts to her itty bitty noises.
I just wish she was well enough to come home and I could just nurse her.
It sucks that I can't be there every three hours to do skin-to-skin and to practice nursing with her. It sucks that I am afraid to drive because I could pass out at any moment.
Pumping is very time-consuming and a long set up/take down process. After plugging everything in and adjusting the settings, I get to sit up while awkwardly holding the pumps to my breasts for at least fifteen minutes. I can't sit back because then the milk won't run down into the bottles, so my back is constantly hurting. Not to mention it's boring to just sit somewhere for fifteen minutes and try to ignore your nipples being pulled on. Gotta love that.
I am grateful that I can produce milk. My family has a history of inability to nurse and I am very grateful that I can breastfeed. I just get so frustrated with pumping because I don't see immediate results. I know that Chloe gets my milk and it's the best thing for her, but it's hard knowing that I can't feed it to her. The nurses have to put the milk in a syringe, hook the syringe into a machine and then that machine slowly pushes the 30 ml. of milk through Chloe's feeding tube over a period of thirty minutes.
Last night I did my first non-nutritional feeding, which is where I pump at the hospital right before I hold Chloe and then she practices latching on and sucking. She doesn't quite understand the suck, swallow, breathe sequence yet, which is why it has to be non-nutritional. Mike talked to the NICU in detail and he said that they will be pushing her food through her feeding tube while she practices.. It was the weirdest thing EVER.
She would try to suck for a minute and then just fall asleep, but apparently that is completely normal for a baby at a gestational age of 33 weeks. She's rockin' it.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't want to pump, but I know she needs me to.
UGH.
Am I an awful mother?
I am grateful that I can produce milk. My family has a history of inability to nurse and I am very grateful that I can breastfeed. I just get so frustrated with pumping because I don't see immediate results. I know that Chloe gets my milk and it's the best thing for her, but it's hard knowing that I can't feed it to her. The nurses have to put the milk in a syringe, hook the syringe into a machine and then that machine slowly pushes the 30 ml. of milk through Chloe's feeding tube over a period of thirty minutes.
Last night I did my first non-nutritional feeding, which is where I pump at the hospital right before I hold Chloe and then she practices latching on and sucking. She doesn't quite understand the suck, swallow, breathe sequence yet, which is why it has to be non-nutritional. Mike talked to the NICU in detail and he said that they will be pushing her food through her feeding tube while she practices.. It was the weirdest thing EVER.
She would try to suck for a minute and then just fall asleep, but apparently that is completely normal for a baby at a gestational age of 33 weeks. She's rockin' it.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't want to pump, but I know she needs me to.
UGH.
Am I an awful mother?
NO! You are not an awful mother. I worked (still working) with Sophie the whole time she nursed, and I hated pumping at work. I would have to do it on my breaks, and I just wanted to relax for my break and not pump. But you can do it! Just remember how FREE it's going to be when she is able to nurse on her own. I'm glad to hear you both are doing really well, and I do hope you can take her home soon.
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